oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I understand Curling. That high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
