I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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