just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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