a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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