I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
