Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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