The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
