im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
