What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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