in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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