Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
