if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
