like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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