So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
