I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize