also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
