Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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