Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
