brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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