but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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