I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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