Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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