just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's shark week go big or go home
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