God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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