You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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