remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
