I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize