i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
