You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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