she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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