i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize