I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
