I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
