And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this will be a night to untag.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm both gender and math confused
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
