You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
