hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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