He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
