Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
