I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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