Sry I called you an 8
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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