i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
