Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
