I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize