i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
