Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
