if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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