I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
