Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
