I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
