Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
