This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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