I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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