my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
