im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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