Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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