walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
