Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
