I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
