he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
