you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
