What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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