M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
