I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you didnt know i had herpes?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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