I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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