time to smoke my breakfast
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
