bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
