I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
