Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
