My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
