you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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