if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
