Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
