I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
