I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
