from now on my penis is your penis
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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