No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
