so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
