My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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