He kissed a someone with a penis
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
