So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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