Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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