How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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