Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
