Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
