well I can't set my house on fire every night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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