Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
