If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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