im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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