we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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