Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
