We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
