He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
