; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
