There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
