I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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