eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
