is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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