I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
