Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
