I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize