i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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