when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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