My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize