not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
