I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
