I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
