He felt like a one man threesome
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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